Q - What the hell was that book I heard a couple of Comedians talking about the other day that helps you quit smoking. Does it really work? - Too Many People to Count
A - The book in question is "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking" by Allen Carr. As far as knowing if it works, we have no idea. For more info, go to the BOB&TOM Bookshelf page.

Q - Where can I find that Tim Wilson song where he talks about hating everything and being tired of famous people's "f*@king asses?" - Eddie in Sioux City
A - First of all, that was a beautiful and delicate description of the song. Secondly, Tim's tune is finally available on his new album, But I Could Be Wrong, which is available online and in most stores that sell CDs.

Q - Does Tom really hate Chick or is that just for "entertainment" purposes? - Jason
A - This really isn't a fair question because it singles out Tom as being the only person in the building who hates Chick. In actuality, we all do.

Q - I just heard the Cleveland Steamer song by The Mad Armenians and I don't know what a lot of the terms mean. Can you help? - Crissy
A - We could help, but we keep telling you that you don't want to know what these things mean. Just know that it's funny. However, if you still don't believe us, and just have to know what it's all about, go to your favorite search engine and type in some of these phrases. But trust us, YOU DON"T WANT TO KNOW.

Q - Hey, with my new job I now get to sleep late in the mornings, does this mean I can no longer be a "Friend of HAL"? - Paul
A- Well, to answer that question thoroughly, we'd have to reveal what it means to be a 'Friend of Hal,' which in turn would mean we'd have to kill you and everyone else who read this. But the short answer to your question is no, you can not. And I think you know why. And if you don't, you were never truly a 'Friend of Hal' to begin with.

Q - Do you really have the answers to every question?
A - We're going to have to get back to you on that one.

Q - Can I meet the team?
-Aaron  from Lansing MI
A - That depends on your wardrobe. Got a jersey and a crooked cap with a straight brim? How about some baggy pants? If so, make a wish, and it just might come true.

Q - Today is my 50th birthday, Could you have Kristi flash me?
- Dave in Toledo
A - Kristi is more than happy to wish you a happy birthday, but says she that she doesn't flash anybody. Unless maybe they play the guitar.

Q - Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks?
- Chip from Clarksville, TN
A - SHAFT! And we hear that he's a bad mother...

Q - What is that statue Kristi says you should bury in your yard to help you sell your home?
A - That would be the small statue of St. Joseph. You can find out how to go about doing it by going to stjosephstatue.com

Q - Just WHAT did Danny Thomas do with a glass table that earns a recurring mention on the show? Being adult, reasonably mature, and having my very own medical degree, I suspect it involves a peculiar fetish involving the opposite sex and (watching) their bathroom habits?
-Bruce MD
A- You've hit the nail on the head with that one, but you really don't want to know any more about it. Trust us, knowing the entire story will just make you feel like a worse person.

Q - I just bought a house and it's about a half mile from where I used to live. Will I still be able to listen to the show?
- Chris from Salem, OR
A - First of all, you should have tested this before you bought the house. Where are your priorities? But, because you weren't thinking, we'll give you a few tips to help you find out if you'll still be able to listen to the show. First, check out our affiliates page to see which of our stations is closest to your area. Once you've found it, wander around your new home with your radio until you get a signal. If that doesn't work, sell your house, move and repeat the steps.

If I had a FAQ page, would you guys ask me a question?
 - D.W.B.
A - Sure, here goes. "No!'" Wait, I guess that wasn't really a question.

Q - Who sings "The Pussycat Song," and is it on any albums?
A - The Asylum Street Spankers, the band who brought you "The Scrotum Song," are responsible for this musical treat. It's currently not found on any of the Spankers' albums, but it was just recently released on BOB&TOM's new album Sideshow

Q - Do BOB&TOM have any plans for broadcasting over satellite radio? -C. J. Corey
A - Because BOB&TOM's soul purpose in life is to continually try to find every possible way to entertain the masses, of course they're looking into broadcasting on Satellite radio. The show is not being broadcast on this format as of yet, but rest assured it is being looked into, and we'll let you know if it happens.

Q - I remember some time ago you had the You
Guys Rock! album, and Tom kept saying that there was something "special" about the cover. I couldn't find what he was talking about and just wondered if you would "shed some light on the subject" - Nick
A - Tom seems to be about the only one who finds this interesting, or unusual, but if you look closely at the pills in his hand on the cover, you can tell what he is taking by the color of the drugs. One of them is Prozac, the rest are for you to figure out.

Q - The picture quality on the new web cam is fantastic!!! However, I can't move the camera to the subject of my choosing like I could with the old camera. How is a fan supposed to properly fantasize about Tom while watching him broadcast if I can't point the camera at him when I choose?
A - Though the new camera does not have the user pan feature as the previous one did, the trade off is that you can now actually tell who and what it is you are looking at. We thought a clear picture was a much better option than being able to move the camera around from blur to blur. You'll have to accept the fact that we will be directing the camera view from now on and use the new, sharper image of Tom to fantasize about.

Q - Where is that damn secret link to the Morning Breath Club website? - Friends of Hal
A - First of all, it's a secret. Second of all, if we told you we'd have to kill you. But we will tell you this... if you think about it real hard, you may come up with an extremely easy, and logical way of locating it (How do you find the address for sites you're looking for?).

Q - Will you tell me you care? - CJ in Tampa
A - This is all moving so fast. We're still analyzing these emotions we have inside. Maybe we should take a break from each other for awhile so we can examine how it is that we really feel. We actually consider you more of a friend.

Q - Will Chick ever get a desk or office? I think he really wants one. - Toby Smith in Dayton
A - Nice try Chick, we know it's you. Stop e-mailing, calling and asking us about that damn office. The answer is, and always has been NO!

Q - Who sings the "Camel Toe" Song, and is it on any albums?
A - The exceptionally popular song "Camel Toe" is performed by the extremely talented BOB&TOM Band. The tune is featured on B&T's album by the same name... Camel Toe.

Q - Is it just me, or does Chick look like the Brawny Paper Towel guy (except WAY more effeminate)?- Brian from Lafayette, La.
A - Not only is he more effeminate, he's also more absorbent.

Q - Gunner sounds really, REALLY hot but why are there no pictures on of him on your website. - Benn in Wisconsin
A - You are correct in your assumption that Gunner is extremely hot because, well, he is. However, no pictures of Gunner exist because he refuses to be photographed. Gunner was raised to believe that cameras steal your soul, and since he has already sold his to Tom Griswold, that would make for a sticky situation.

Q - I recently broke my collar bone and can't go to work. So I was wondering if I could come to the studio and hang out with you guys, I'm really bored. - Tim in Chesterfield
A - We would be more than happy to have you visit, but our spectator booth is currently full. Two guys with slipped disks, four women with recent breast implants, a man with a hernia, a tracheotomy patient and three circus midgets on workman's comp have locked up those seats for the rest of the summer. Maybe next year.

Q - Do you intend to answer this question? - Dan from CA
A - Nope. Unless you count "nope" as an answer. In which case, the answer is yes.

Q - Where can I find Toby Keith's Bus Songs?
A - Those songs have just been released on Toby's album Shock 'N Y'all. Before appearing on the Bob & Tom Show, Mr. Keith had not performed these songs in public, but since that time, he can't play anywhere without those tunes being requested.

Q - Exactly how many times have you guys done the "Godzilla bit"? - Mark from Minnesota
A - That gag has been performed exactly one million times. And it just keeps getting funnier every time we do it.

Q - Why, dear god, why?- Christy H.
A - Because we said so.

Q - Do you have many Frequently Unanswered Questions?
- Clay in Montana
A - Consider yours to be the first one.

Q - Is it true that it is all pink on the inside. - Chris in Kentucky
A - It's all pink, and it's all good.

Q - If you could have anyone replaced on the show, who would you replace and who would the replacement be?? - Casey
A - We would replace Chick McGee with Dick the Donkey. Dick's record speaks for itself.

Q - Since traveling to North America via the wetback highway, I have not seen the ancient stone calendar from my village.
Does Chick have an idea of the next Aztec holiday? - Chopper
A - Next Tuesday is the Lunar Celebration of Mud and Mongoose. Check local listings for party sites.

Q - If a man says something in the woods and a woman does not hear it, is he still wrong? - Jimmi
A - Women hear everything, and besides, you're probably in trouble for being in the woods to begin with. Must be nice to be able to just hang out in the woods and talk while there is work to be done.

Q - Why is Tom such an Assbag? Will he ever change?
-Rich in St. Louis
A - When we approached Tom with this question, he immediately responded by saying "Here's a check, go away."

Q - I am currently naked. (I'm sorry, was that suppose to be in the form of a question?) - Chuck
A - Yes, and you forgot to buzz in too... better luck in Double Jeopardy! where things can really get interesting.

Q - Why is it "Bob & Tom" and not "Tom & Bob"? Or does this open an old wound? -Rick
A - Every Monday there's a coin flip to decide who gets top billing in the show title for the week. Bob "Tails Never Fails" Kevoian is currently on a 1546 week winning streak.

Q -I have never seen a picture of Bob without a hat. What does he have under there? -J.V.
A - There's a great song by Heywood Banks (What's Under Bob's Hat?) that explores this very topic. He has much better theories than we could ever list here.

Q - If I were Jon (feminine spelling) from Michigan (which I am not), and I posted a FAQ on your website, asking how to spell Kristi's name, would I be a dumb-ass, knowing that her name is posted all over the aforementioned website, or do I get an alibi for being from Michigan? -Tim
A - No, the last person who got an alibi from us turned out to be guilty. That is the last time we ignore all the DNA evidence.

Q - I frequently ask myself this question when listening to you guys: "Why is it that Chick is so cool?" It truly is a phenomenon.
-Brian
A - It's a tightly guarded secret as to how the Chickster keeps his finger on the pulse of the hip side of America. We think it has something to do overloading on pop culture and pornography thanks to his dish and HDTV... but that's only speculated.

Q - Why are the frequently asked question always soooo much shorter and funnier than the listener E-mail?   And can Chick call me and ask what I'm wearing? - Daily in Missouri
A - They are normally shorter because we try to limit them to one question per letter... unlike this one. And Chick says it's always easier to get a phone call after you've sent a picture showing us exactly what you're wearing.

Q - I am writing an e-mail to the cast and I don't know how to address it. Is it Christy, Kristy, Christie, Christy, or Kristie?
- Jon in Michigan
A - None of the above... it's spelled K-R-I-S-T-I

Q - Would it be strange if I asked for a mouse pad with Chick's prostate exam on it?
- Matt - Indy
A - Yes. Very strange indeed.

Q. I heard a bit on the show about Jesus playing baseball. You know, the one with all the bible people? What's that called, and where can I get it?
- Herman of Panama City.
A - "The First Baseball Game," by comedian Dan St. Paul is one of the most requested bits in Bob and Tom Show history. It can be found on the "Bob and Tom Greatest Hits Vol. 1" album. And yes, you can order this CD on-line from the Bob & Tom Store.

Q. Kristi Lee's sexy voice drives me wild! Am I alone here? Should I seek help?
- Ron in Iowa
A. You are not alone in your infatuation with the captivating voice of Kristi Lee. We got this same question the other day, so we know there are at least two of you out there. However, "wildness" is a condition not to be taken lightly, and professional help is always recommended. If detected early enough, you too could lead a normal, productive life.

Q. What ever happened to Pat Carlini? -Ted
A. Pat just recently signed a new contract to continue her role as a news anchor with the NBC-TV affiliate in Indianapolis, Indiana. She is kept so busy with her on-air duties, that she doesn't have the time to hang out with us anymore. We miss her too!

Q: When does a question become a frequently asked question?
A:  Could you repeat the question please?

Q: Do penguins have knees? - Perry
A:  Yes, and they have feet, too.  And some night while you're asleep, they're going to come to your home and KICK YOUR ASS for asking such a stupid question!

Q: What do you guys/girls do when you're not on the air?
A:  Bob plays golf, Tom plays with his kids, Kristi gambles, and Chick just masturbates.

Q:  Am I retarded cause I listen to The Bob & Tom Show? - Eric
A:  While listening does not cause true "retardation", the long-term listener can develop a sort of "mind-numbing  haze"...but we appreciate you "taking one for the team"!

Q:  If these are "Bob and Tom FAQs," why are they all about Chick? -Mike
A:  After many university studies, it has been found that Chick is the most interesting (and confusing) member of our species.

Q:  If Chick were a feminine hygiene product, what kind of feminine hygiene product would he be? - Rob
A:  A really big super-absorbant one - with wings.

Q:  Are the questions on your FAQ page really frequently asked, or are they just the few questions you choose to answer???
- Paula
A:  With just one exception, we get asked these questions (or questions very similar) quite often...hence the name, Bob & Tom Frequently Asked Questions.

Q:  Hey Bob & Tom, I was just wondering, how funny do you have to be to get on your show, or how famous do you have to be? - Greg (by the way, we get this question A LOT!)
A:  Really funny, and very very famous!  

Q:  Why do you guys go crazy when someone mentions "WEEDWACKER"???- Anon.
A:  It's WeedEATER!  And "We'd Eat-'er"... get it?  I hope so.

Q:  I understand that Chick is a fantastic lesbian lover. Who taught him this unique talent? - J.H.
A:  Chick claims,"...You can't learn the kind of love I'm all about!"

Q:  Hey guys, do you want to play a round of golf? - O. Simpson
A:  No, we already know who the killer is, you keep searching the golf courses on your own.

Q:  Is it true that Chick accidentally killed the original monkey in a moment of passion, - but replaced it with a new one?
A:  There are many theories regarding the disappearance of the original monkey.  Did Chick Kill him?  Rumor has it that playing Chick's "Nasty Stuff" backward, you may hear some hidden messages from the monkey... but that's only a theory.

Q:  If Chick died, would he go to Heaven or Hell? - P. Goesinya
A:  Where Chick ended up is irrelevant... he'd be back here in six months either way.

Q:  In your corporate name, Friggemall Industries, what does "Friggemall" mean? - J. Hieber
A:  One story is that it was named after the Friggemall Indian Tribe which roamed the plains of the United States in the 1800's.  In reality, the name came from the founding officers of the young company and their attitude toward the government's charges of "monopolistic practices".

Q:  Chick is God!!! - S. Leun
A:  No, Chick is A god... not THE God.

 Q:  Is it true Bob & Tom willed the show to Chick?  If so, how long will it take for Chick to find a way to kill them both and make it look like an accident? - R. DeBusk
A:  Yes, it's true that Bob & Tom did leave the show to Chick in their will, however it is being held in a special trust until Chick is mature enough to handle the responsibilities that come with ownership of his own radio show.

Q:  If Bob was on an airplane leaving New York at 7, and Kristi was on a plane leaving LA at noon, at what time would Tom shoot Chick on a train leaving Chicago at 3? - Tinyson
A:  Tom wouldn't shoot Chick (too messy and too much evidence left behind).  In fact, Tom would hire someone to sever the brake line on Chick's train car making it look like an accident.

Q:  If Bob, Tom, or Chick can use Jedi Mind Control, why do Pat and Kristi come to work dressed? - Elton
A:  Fear of being sued...ya' know...too many lawyers around!

Q:  FIIIIIISSHHHH!  I know they say it whenever something aquatic is mentioned, but why? - G. Lupher
A:  It apparently began as part of an elaborate deception to let the victim know that he or she had just been "hooked" or taken by an elaborate deception.

Q:  Just curious as to if Chick is really gay, or does he just like playing the role? - D. Smith
A:  No, he's not gay, he really is married to a real woman...and he really likes it!

Q:  Are those real? - NJCIMC
A:  Absolutely...

Q:  How long did it take Chick to perfect his Kristi Lee imitation?
- S. McCulloch
A:  Chick is a perfectionist AND a work-a-holic...constantly trying to better his on-air product... as long as Kristi keeps talking, Chick will continue to try to improve his
impression of her!

Q:  What size bra does Shirtless Girl wear? - T. Shaggy
A:  They are custom built out of Kevlar and other protective and supportive materials,
but the size is apparently a very well kept secret - SG won't tell us!

Q:  Why does Chick   (what kind of name for man?) have such an obvious inferiority complex compared to Bob & Tom?  & Kristi?  & Pat? & the monkey....? - CRISPSIRC
A:  According to Tom, Chick doesn't have an inferiority complex...he really is inferior!

Q:  Do you guys rock? - F. Scimone
A:  Without even trying!

Q:  Chick, if you could have sex with any male member of the Bob & Tom Show, who would it be?  And Why? - J. Pence
A:  Chick: "I'd like to expand the range of options to include any male that has ever been on the show...and in that case, I'd have to pick Bob Keeshan (Capt. Kangaroo.   I've always been attracted to men with big pockets (it gives you somewhere to keep your feet warm)."

Q:  If I were to apply for a job just to hang out with Kristi, would I get hired? - James
A:  Well, first you must submit cover letter and your resume with a complete listing of your qualifications (in inches).  We'll get back to you.

Q:  (To the Electric Amish) Are you REALLY Amish? SPAWN45176@aol.com
A:  Ya' know, the Electric Amish WANTED to answer your e-mail, but they don't have a computer, you see, because THEY'RE AMISH!!!

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