- What the hell was that book I heard a couple of Comedians talking about the other day that helps you quit smoking. Does it really work? - Too Many People to Count
A - The book in question is "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking" by Allen Carr. As far as knowing if it works, we have no idea. For more info, go to the BOB&TOM Bookshelf page.
- Where can I find that Tim Wilson song where he talks about
hating everything and being tired of famous people's "f*@king
asses?" - Eddie in Sioux City
A - First of all,
that was a beautiful and delicate description of the song.
Secondly, Tim's tune is finally available on
his new album, But
I Could Be Wrong,
which is available online and in most stores that sell CDs.
- Does Tom really hate Chick or is that just for "entertainment" purposes?
A - This really isn't a fair question because it singles out
Tom as being the only person in the building who hates Chick.
In actuality, we all do.
- I just heard the Cleveland Steamer song by The Mad Armenians
and I don't know what a lot of the terms mean. Can you help?
A - We could help,
but we keep telling you that you don't want to know what these
things mean. Just know that it's funny.
However, if you still don't believe us, and just have to know
what it's all about, go to your favorite search engine and
in some of these phrases. But trust us, YOU DON"T WANT TO KNOW.
- Hey, with my new job I now get to sleep late in the
mornings, does this mean I can no longer be a "Friend
of HAL"? - Paul
A- Well, to answer that question thoroughly, we'd have to reveal
what it means to be a 'Friend of Hal,' which in turn would
mean we'd have to kill you and everyone else who read this.
But the short answer to your question is no, you can not. And
I think you know why. And if you don't, you were never truly
a 'Friend of Hal' to begin with.
- Do you really have the answers to every question?
A - We're going to have to get back to you on that one.
- Can I meet the team?
-Aaron from Lansing MI
A - That depends on
your wardrobe. Got a jersey and a crooked cap with a straight
brim? How about some baggy pants? If so, make a wish, and it
just might come true.
- Today is my 50th birthday, Could you have Kristi flash me?
- Dave in Toledo
A - Kristi is more than happy to wish you a happy birthday,
but says she that she doesn't flash anybody. Unless maybe they
play the guitar.
- Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine to all
Chip from Clarksville, TN
A - SHAFT! And we
hear that he's a bad mother...
- What is that statue Kristi says you should bury in your yard
to help you sell your home?
A - That would be
the small statue of St. Joseph. You can find out
how to go about doing it by going to stjosephstatue.com
- Just WHAT did Danny Thomas do with a glass table that earns
a recurring mention on the show? Being adult, reasonably
mature, and having my very own medical degree, I suspect it
involves a peculiar fetish involving the
opposite sex and (watching) their bathroom habits?
A- You've hit the
nail on the head with that one, but you really don't want to
know any more about it. Trust us, knowing the entire
story will just make you feel like a worse person.
- I just bought a house and it's about a half mile from where
I used to live. Will I still be able to listen to the show?
- Chris from Salem, OR
A - First of all,
you should have tested this before you bought the house.
Where are your priorities? But, because you weren't thinking,
we'll give you a few tips
to help you find out if you'll still be able to listen to the
show. First, check out our affiliates
page to see which of our stations is closest
to your area. Once you've found it, wander around your new
home with your radio until
you get a signal. If that doesn't work, sell your house, move
and repeat the steps.
I had a FAQ page, would you guys ask me a question?
A - Sure, here goes.
"No!'" Wait, I guess that wasn't really a question.
Q - Who sings "The
Pussycat Song," and is it on any albums?
A - The Asylum Street
Spankers, the band who brought you "The Scrotum Song,"
are responsible for this musical treat. It's currently not
found on any of the Spankers' albums, but it was just recently
released on BOB&TOM's new album Sideshow
Q - Do BOB&TOM have any plans for broadcasting over satellite
radio? -C. J. Corey
A - Because BOB&TOM's
soul purpose in life is to continually try to find every possible
way to entertain the masses, of course they're looking into
broadcasting on Satellite radio. The show is not being broadcast
on this format as of yet, but rest assured it is being looked
into, and we'll let you know if it happens.
Q - I remember some time
ago you had the You
Guys Rock! album, and Tom kept saying that there was something
"special" about the cover. I couldn't find what he
was talking about and just wondered if you would "shed
some light on the subject" - Nick
A - Tom seems to be
about the only one who finds this interesting, or unusual, but
if you look closely at the pills in his hand on the cover, you
can tell what he is taking by the color of the drugs. One of
them is Prozac, the rest are for you to figure out.
Q - The picture quality on the new web cam is fantastic!!! However,
I can't move the camera to the subject of my choosing like I
could with the old camera. How is a fan supposed to properly
fantasize about Tom while watching him broadcast if I can't
point the camera at him when I choose?
A - Though the new
camera does not have the user pan feature as the previous one
did, the trade off is that you can now actually tell who and
what it is you are looking at. We thought a clear picture was
a much better option than being able to move the camera around
from blur to blur. You'll have to accept the fact that we will
be directing the camera view from now on and use the new, sharper
image of Tom to fantasize about.
Q - Where is that damn secret link to the Morning Breath Club
website? - Friends of Hal
A - First of all,
it's a secret. Second of all, if we told you we'd have to
But we will tell you this... if you think about it real hard,
you may come up with an extremely easy, and logical way of
do you find the address for sites you're looking for?).
Q - Will you tell me you care? - CJ in Tampa
A - This is all moving
so fast. We're still analyzing these emotions we have inside.
Maybe we should take a break from each other for awhile so we
can examine how it is that we really feel. We
actually consider you more of a friend.
Q - Will Chick ever get a desk or office? I think he really
wants one. - Toby Smith in Dayton
A - Nice try Chick,
we know it's you. Stop e-mailing, calling and asking us about
that damn office. The answer is, and always has been NO!
Q - Who sings the "Camel Toe" Song, and is it on any
A - The exceptionally
popular song "Camel Toe" is performed by the extremely
talented BOB&TOM Band. The tune is featured on B&T's
album by the same name... Camel
Q - Is it just me, or does Chick look like the
Brawny Paper Towel guy (except WAY more effeminate)?- Brian
from Lafayette, La.
A - Not only is he
more effeminate, he's also more absorbent.
Q - Gunner sounds
really, REALLY hot but why are there no pictures on of him on
your website. - Benn in Wisconsin
A - You are correct in your assumption that Gunner is extremely
hot because, well, he is. However, no pictures of Gunner exist
because he refuses to be photographed. Gunner was raised to
believe that cameras steal your soul, and since he has already
sold his to Tom Griswold, that would make for a sticky situation.
Q - I recently broke
my collar bone and can't go to work. So I was wondering if I
could come to the studio and hang out with you guys, I'm really
bored. - Tim in Chesterfield
A - We would be more than happy to
have you visit, but our spectator booth is currently full. Two
guys with slipped disks, four women with recent breast implants,
a man with a hernia, a tracheotomy patient and three circus
midgets on workman's comp have locked up those seats for the
rest of the summer. Maybe next year.
Q - Do you intend to answer this question? -
Dan from CA
A - Nope. Unless you count "nope" as an answer. In
which case, the answer is yes.
Q - Where can I find
Toby Keith's Bus Songs?
A - Those songs have just been released
on Toby's album Shock 'N Y'all.
Before appearing on the Bob & Tom Show, Mr. Keith had not
performed these songs in public, but since that time, he can't
play anywhere without those tunes being requested.
Q - Exactly how many times have you guys done the "Godzilla
bit"? - Mark from Minnesota
A - That gag has been performed exactly
one million times. And it just keeps getting funnier every time
we do it.
Q - Why, dear god, why?- Christy H.
A - Because we said so.
Q - Do you have many Frequently Unanswered Questions?
- Clay in Montana
A - Consider yours to be the first
Q - Is it true that it is all pink on the inside. - Chris in
A - It's all pink, and it's all good.
Q - If you could have anyone replaced on the show, who would
you replace and who would the replacement be?? - Casey
A - We would replace Chick McGee with
Dick the Donkey. Dick's record speaks for itself.
Q - Since traveling to North America via the wetback highway,
I have not seen the ancient stone calendar from my village.
Does Chick have an idea of the next Aztec holiday? - Chopper
A - Next Tuesday is the Lunar Celebration
of Mud and Mongoose. Check local listings for party sites.
Q - If a man says something in the woods and a woman does not
hear it, is he still wrong? - Jimmi
A - Women hear everything, and besides,
you're probably in trouble for being in the woods to begin with.
Must be nice to be able to just hang out in the woods and talk
while there is work to be done.
Q - Why is Tom such
an Assbag? Will he ever change?
-Rich in St. Louis
A - When we approached Tom with this
question, he immediately responded by saying "Here's a
check, go away."
Q - I am currently naked. (I'm sorry, was that suppose to be
in the form of a question?) - Chuck
A - Yes, and you forgot to buzz in
too... better luck in Double Jeopardy!
where things can really get interesting.
Q - Why is it "Bob & Tom" and not "Tom &
Bob"? Or does this open an old wound? -Rick
A - Every Monday there's a coin flip
to decide who gets top billing in the show title for the week.
Bob "Tails Never Fails" Kevoian is currently on a
1546 week winning streak.
Q -I have never seen a picture of Bob without a hat. What does
he have under there? -J.V.
A - There's a great song by Heywood
Banks (What's Under Bob's Hat?) that
explores this very topic. He has much better theories than
we could ever list here.
Q - If I were Jon (feminine spelling) from Michigan (which I
am not), and I posted a FAQ on your website, asking how to spell
Kristi's name, would I be a dumb-ass, knowing that her name
is posted all over the aforementioned website, or do I get an
alibi for being from Michigan? -Tim
A - No, the last person who got an
alibi from us turned out to be guilty. That is the last time
we ignore all the DNA evidence.
Q - I frequently ask myself this question when listening to
you guys: "Why is it that Chick is so cool?" It truly
is a phenomenon.
A - It's a tightly guarded secret as to how the Chickster keeps
his finger on the pulse of the hip side of America. We think
it has something to do overloading on pop culture and pornography
thanks to his dish and HDTV... but that's only speculated.
Q - Why are the frequently asked
question always soooo much shorter and funnier than the listener
E-mail? And can Chick call me and ask what I'm wearing?
- Daily in Missouri
A - They are normally shorter because
we try to limit them to one question per letter... unlike this
one. And Chick says it's always easier to get a phone call after
you've sent a picture showing us exactly what you're wearing.
Q - I am writing an e-mail to
the cast and I don't know how to address it. Is it Christy,
Kristy, Christie, Christy, or Kristie?
- Jon in Michigan
A - None of the above... it's spelled
Q - Would it be strange
if I asked for a mouse pad with Chick's prostate exam on it?
- Matt - Indy
A - Yes. Very strange indeed.
heard a bit on the show about Jesus playing baseball. You know,
the one with all the bible people? What's that called, and where
can I get it?
- Herman of Panama City.
A - "The First Baseball Game," by comedian Dan St.
Paul is one of the most requested bits in Bob and Tom Show history.
It can be found on the "Bob and Tom Greatest Hits Vol.
1" album. And yes, you can order this CD on-line from
& Tom Store.
Q. Kristi Lee's sexy
voice drives me wild! Am I alone here? Should I seek help?
- Ron in Iowa
A. You are not alone in your infatuation with the captivating
voice of Kristi Lee. We got this same question the other day,
so we know there are at least two of you out there. However,
"wildness" is a condition not to be taken lightly,
and professional help is always recommended. If detected early
enough, you too could lead a normal, productive life.
Q. What ever happened
to Pat Carlini? -Ted
A. Pat just recently signed a new contract to continue her role
as a news anchor with the NBC-TV affiliate in Indianapolis,
Indiana. She is kept so busy with her on-air duties, that she
doesn't have the time to hang out with us anymore. We miss her
Q: When does a question become a frequently asked question?
A: Could you repeat the question please?
Q: Do penguins have knees? - Perry
A: Yes, and they have feet, too. And some night
while you're asleep, they're going to come to your home and
KICK YOUR ASS for asking such a stupid question!
Q: What do you guys/girls do when
you're not on the air?
A: Bob plays golf, Tom plays with his kids, Kristi gambles,
and Chick just masturbates.
Q: Am I retarded cause I
listen to The Bob & Tom Show? - Eric
A: While listening does not cause true "retardation",
the long-term listener can develop a sort of "mind-numbing
haze"...but we appreciate you "taking one for the team"!
Q: If these are "Bob and
Tom FAQs," why are they all about Chick? -Mike
A: After many university studies, it has been found that
Chick is the most interesting (and confusing) member of our
Q: If Chick
were a feminine hygiene product, what kind of feminine hygiene
product would he be? - Rob
A: A really big super-absorbant one - with wings.
Q: Are the questions on
your FAQ page really frequently asked, or are they just the
few questions you choose to answer???
A: With just one exception, we get asked these questions
(or questions very similar) quite often...hence the name, Bob
& Tom Frequently Asked Questions.
Q: Hey Bob & Tom, I
was just wondering, how funny do you have to be to get on your
show, or how famous do you have to be? - Greg (by the way, we
get this question A LOT!)
A: Really funny, and very very famous!
Q: Why do you guys go crazy
when someone mentions "WEEDWACKER"???- Anon.
A: It's WeedEATER! And "We'd Eat-'er"... get it?
I hope so.
Q: I understand that Chick
is a fantastic lesbian lover. Who taught him this unique talent?
A: Chick claims,"...You can't learn the kind of love I'm
Q: Hey guys, do you want
to play a round of golf? - O. Simpson
A: No, we already know who the killer is, you keep searching
the golf courses on your own.
Q: Is it true that Chick
accidentally killed the original monkey in a moment of passion,
- but replaced it with a new one?
A: There are many theories regarding the disappearance
of the original monkey. Did Chick Kill him? Rumor
has it that playing Chick's "Nasty Stuff" backward, you may
hear some hidden messages from the monkey... but that's only
Q: If Chick died, would
he go to Heaven or Hell? - P. Goesinya
A: Where Chick ended up is irrelevant... he'd be back
here in six months either way.
Q: In your corporate name,
Friggemall Industries, what does "Friggemall" mean? - J. Hieber
A: One story is that it was named after the Friggemall
Indian Tribe which roamed the plains of the United States in
the 1800's. In reality, the name came from the founding
officers of the young company and their attitude toward the
government's charges of "monopolistic practices".
Q: Chick is God!!! - S.
A: No, Chick is A god... not THE God.
Q: Is it true Bob &
Tom willed the show to Chick? If so, how long will it
take for Chick to find a way to kill them both and make it look
like an accident? - R. DeBusk
A: Yes, it's true that Bob & Tom did leave the show
to Chick in their will, however it is being held in a special
trust until Chick is mature enough to handle the responsibilities
that come with ownership of his own radio show.
Q: If Bob was on an airplane
leaving New York at 7, and Kristi was on a plane leaving LA
at noon, at what time would Tom shoot Chick on a train leaving
Chicago at 3? - Tinyson
A: Tom wouldn't shoot Chick (too messy and too much evidence
left behind). In fact, Tom would hire someone to sever
the brake line on Chick's train car making it look like an accident.
Q: If Bob, Tom, or Chick
can use Jedi Mind Control, why do Pat and Kristi come to work
dressed? - Elton
A: Fear of being sued...ya' know...too many lawyers around!
I know they say it whenever something aquatic is mentioned,
but why? - G. Lupher
A: It apparently began as part of an elaborate deception
to let the victim know that he or she had just been "hooked"
or taken by an elaborate deception.
Q: Just curious as to if
Chick is really gay, or does he just like playing the role?
- D. Smith
A: No, he's not gay, he really is married to a real woman...and
he really likes it!
Q: Are those real? - NJCIMC
Q: How long did it take
Chick to perfect his Kristi Lee imitation?
- S. McCulloch
A: Chick is a perfectionist AND a work-a-holic...constantly
trying to better his on-air product... as long as Kristi keeps
talking, Chick will continue to try to improve his
impression of her!
Q: What size bra does Shirtless
Girl wear? - T. Shaggy
A: They are custom built out of Kevlar and other protective
and supportive materials,
but the size is apparently a very well kept secret - SG won't
Q: Why does Chick
(what kind of name for man?) have such an obvious inferiority
complex compared to Bob & Tom? & Kristi?
& Pat? & the monkey....? - CRISPSIRC
A: According to Tom, Chick doesn't have an inferiority
complex...he really is inferior!
Q: Do you guys rock? - F.
A: Without even trying!
Q: Chick, if you could have
sex with any male member of the Bob & Tom Show, who would
it be? And Why? - J. Pence
A: Chick: "I'd like to expand the range of options to
include any male that has ever been on the show...and in that
case, I'd have to pick Bob Keeshan (Capt. Kangaroo.
I've always been attracted to men with big pockets (it gives
you somewhere to keep your feet warm)."
Q: If I were
to apply for a job just to hang out with Kristi, would I get
hired? - James
A: Well, first you must submit cover letter and your resume
with a complete listing of your qualifications (in inches).
We'll get back to you.
Q: (To the Electric
Amish) Are you REALLY Amish? SPAWN45176@aol.com
A: Ya' know, the Electric
Amish WANTED to answer your e-mail, but they don't have
a computer, you see, because THEY'RE AMISH!!!
Have a question about the Bob & Tom Show? Send
it to us!