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w w w . b o b a n d t o m . c o m

June 29 - July 3, 2009

Punching the Clown
Singer/songwriter and gifted guitar player Henry Phillips may be lonely and a self-professed loser, but he's also one of the most clever comedians on the planet. His songs often focus on the darker, more twisted side of life, but we still find his soft-spoken, self-deprecating personality quite adorable. Though his demeanor may lead you to believe otherwise, he's actually a fun guy to be around, especially if you enjoy gambling, drinking or gambling while drinking. In other news, Henry recently wrote, starred in, and directed the movie Punching the Clown, which recieved rave reviews at the Slamdance film festivial.

 

Living the L.A. Dream
Being a comic out in L.A. is rough, just ask Patrick Keane.  That’s why he’s decided to take his act on the road where he can get a little more stage time and entertain a lot more people.  Keane has appeared on The Late Late Show w/ Craig Ferguson, is trying to stop apologizing so much, and thinks that good looking people shouldn’t give dating advice. 

 

The Superman of Stand-up
After starring in what many consider to be the greatest sitcom of all time, Jerry Seinfeld could have retired a rich man and nobody would have blamed him. But this observational comedian wasn't content sitting around collecting Porches (though he does collect Porches), he decided to write new material, hit the road, and take part in a cross country tour. In other news, Jerry and the rest of the "Seinfeld" gang will be appearing in the upcoming season of the HBO series "Curb Your Enthusiasm."

FACTOID - Before becoming a stand-up comedian Jerry Seinfeld worked as a telephone light-bulb salesman and a jewelry street vendor.

 

Don't Forget the Lyrics
Anyone who has ever spent any time listening to the BOB&TOM show has no doubt heard a song by legendary comedian Heywood Banks.  That’s because Heywood’s catalogue of classic tunes includes fan favorites like Big Butter Jesus, I Like Summer, Toast, 18 Wheels on a Big Rig, Punjab and Wiper Blades just to name a few.  In fact, Heywood has appeared on 36 of BOB&TOM’s comedy albums, more than any other artist by far.  We’ve just been informed that Heywood may be adding to his already extensive list of songs when he debuts some new ones on Thursday morning.  Now we’re just hoping he knows the lyrics.

 

The Evolution of Dan Cummins
Though Dan Cummins' first time on stage was less than spectacular and included a number of props, a wig and a loss of self-respect, he still discovered his true calling. Fortunately for him (and for those that go to his shows) his comedy act has evolved into one that places more emphasis on sarcasm, dark intellect and making people laugh and less on props. This has helped Dan become a favorite in comedy clubs and college campuses across the country. He's also become a regular on television including appearances on Live at Gotham, Comedy Central Presents, The Late, Late Show and Last Comic Standing.

 
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I Know That Voice
Not only does Mike MacRae perform a hysterical comedy act full of insightful social commentary, he also has an arsenal full of outstanding celebrity impressions that many other comedians would never dare attempt to perform. These voices include Harrison Ford, Rip Torn, Vince Vaughn, Morgan Freeman, Ben Kenobi and Gregory Peck just to name a few. In fact, Mike's impressions are so good, he became a regular on a show based all around impressions, Frank TV.

 
Tim Bedore's
Vague But True

From his command post up north, live from his living room, comedian Tim Bedore joins us each Wednesday to dispense a wide variety of helpful advice, personal thoughts, absurd theories and news updates all presented in the form of a well thought out editorial known as Vague But True. Some of his more infamous writings include his take on the "Animal Conspiracy" against mankind and the fun one can have teasing your pre-teen daughter.
 

The Biggest Name
in Comedy
Strange laws, cliches, poker hands, holidays and famous quotes are just a few of the topics comedian Costaki Economopoulos has covered over the past year in his weekly Economonologue segment. We never know exactly what he'll be calling in to talk about, but we can safely assume it's going to be funny. Because if it isn't, we'll start having Caroline Rhea call in instead.

 

Dan Davidson Grows Up
Comedian Dan Davidson easily walks the line between sophistication and pure goofiness. Those talents mixed in with his midwestern likablity and biting improvisational skills, give "Double D" the rare gift of being able to say anything and still keep the audiences in stitches. Dan is the youngest of six children, so performing standup comedy is not only a career, it's also therapeutic. He's a veteran of over 3000 performances and has been seen on both Comedy Central and FOX.

FACTOID - Dan Davidson gave up his original website, poopybutthead.com for a much more grown-up sounding domain.

 

Songs to Make
Dogs Happy

When looking at your dog, you may think the only things he needs to be happy are belly scratches, access to food and attacking the mail man, but musician Skip Haynes and the rest of the Laurel Canyon Animal Company have found that what Fido truly needs is his own CD. After their first breakthrough project Songs to Make Dogs Happy received tail-wagging reviews across the board, the band has gotten back together to release another CD, More Songs to Make Dogs Happy! And this one even comes with a bonus track for people. Songs on the new project include "Squeaky Bark, Bark," "Dog On My Bed," "Let's Go For a Walk" and 'Dog Dancing"

 

From B to Z, Bay-bee!
When Bob Zany calls us each and every Tuesday, it's not just to say hello or ask us for money. No, he comes equipped with all new jokes, a fantastic Bing Crosby impression and two play-at-home games all presented in a feature he likes to call The Zany Report. In other news, Zany has two new CDs available for purchase, both of which you can pick up online, or when he comes to your town as part of the BOB&TOM Comedy All-Stars tour.

 

Roasting History
They say those that don't learn for the past are doomed to repeat it. That's something Scott Dunn doesn't have to worry about because he spends the majority of his time looking backwards. Dunn is a comedian, an author, a father of two, a husband of one, and is famous for his "Roasts" of major historical events. He calls in every Monday to share comical and historical tidbits of knowledge, followed up by a pop quiz. Start cramming now.

 
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From Classroom to Comedy Club
What can make a teacher give up the classroom and take to the stage? A better paycheck might be one reason, but for Jeff Jena, it was because he just saw so much humor in every day life that he had to share it with an audience that were old enough to buy liquor. After starting his career at the legendary Comics Annex in Houston, he got his big break when he appeared on Star Search in front of a national audience. From that point on, the past 20-plus years have been spent headlining packed houses in the best clubs across the country.

 

And You Thought You Ate A Lot This Weekend
According to the folks at Major League Eating (MLE), competitive eating is the next big thing in sports. Because hey, anyone can put a ball in a hoop, or catch a 30 yard bullet pass, but it takes a real athlete to down over 50 hot dogs in a twelve minute sitting. According to MLE President (and PR genius) Richard Shea, the best part of competitive eating is that there is no such thing as an off season. From the Glutton Bowl, to Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest (which aired this past Saturday on ESPN), the "athletes" of the MLE travel the country all year long, shoveling as much food into their mouths as is humanly possible.

FACTOID - The Nathan's Famous International Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Championship has been held each year on July 4 since 1916, according to archives.

 


 

"The best mean you can have, according to Kristi, is air."
- Chick McGee

"I've got the social skills of Boo Radley anymore."
- Dave Dugan on working from home

"They should name the smallest phallic shaped mushroom a McGee." - Bob Kevoian

"You just got clock blocked."
- Bob Kevoian to Gunner after his story was interrupted by a commercial break

"I don't criticize people and the way they live."
- Tom Griswold, lying

"In college I used to pass out from drinking all the time. It got so bad that before I went out I would just go ahead and draw a penis on my own face."
- TJ Miller on binge drinking

"Young women are like warm donuts, and older women are like crackers. Sometimes you feel like having a cracker, but you always want a donut."
- Nick Griffin

"I listen to your show all the time" - Tom Griswold to Michael Feldman
"My show's not on all the time."
- Michael Feldman right back to Tom

"Sodomy sounds bad in any language."
- Bob Kevoian

"The metric system makes you're penis sound bigger."
- Ryan Belleville

"Have you ever worn a different deodorant and for the rest of the day you feel like there is a stranger standing next to you."
- Jim Gaffigan

"If it's so great outside, why are all the bugs trying to get inside my house?"
- Jim Gaffigan on camping

"I want to work at an unemployment office because even if they fire you, they still have to pay you."
- Phil Mazo

"If I could punch just one animal in the face, it would be an ostrich."
- "Larry King"

"Sodomy takes the fun out of birdwatching."
- Tom Griswold on gay parks

"I have horrible gay-dar. I could see two guys making out at a bar and think they are just excited about the playoffs."
- Dwight Slade

"Books are for people who don't have ideas of their own."
- Greg Hahn

"I hate it here so what's the rush?"
- Greg Hahn to his former boss about motivation at work.

"Everyone has a butt, Tom."
- Kristi Lee to Tom about teaching kids about proctology

"My son is a horrible driver. He's hit everything but the lottery."
- Mike Armstrong

"I hate porn with plots."
-Bob Kevoian

"In Spanish, 'passionate' means 'loud and irrational.'"
- Pat Dixon on his passionate girlfriend

"My parents got divorced after 40 years. That's the longest game of chicken ever."
- David Dyer

"Last time I went to a gym they gave me a t-shirt with their name on it and asked me not to wear it."
- Wild Bill Bauer on his physical fitness

"Musician people aren't dumb."
- Duff McKagan on the stereotype of rockers

"With the sweater vest and the beard, Gunner looks like a lumberjack going to church."
- Tom Griswold

"Since I got my grills done I'm smiling even when I'm angry. I smile like the Cleveland Indian."
- Guy Torry on having his teeth done

"My pee is okay."
- Tom on accidently dropping his cell phone in the toilet

"Life and I don't always get along."
- Tom Griswold on asking a lot of questions and being skeptical

"You can't play grab-ass unless you're naked."
-Chick McGee

"Here's a quote I want on the page; 'Tom is a douche bag'"
- Bob Kevoian

"Have you ever notice that when you talk about Segways it's hard to transition into another topic?"
- Tom Griswold making a joke about the homonyms Segway and segues

"I got a Snuggie the other day; the blanket with sleeves. Finally, a uniform for depression."
- Pat Dixon

"I've never thought about having kids before, but after having so many computer problems lately..."
- Nick Griffin on kids' knowledge of technology

"I'm guessing Native Americans wish they had had a tougher immigration policy."
- John Evans

"I quit smoking and drinking and I eat better. Now I'm so healthy it makes me sick."
- Pat Dixon

"Calling Kathy Lee 'entertainment' is like calling falling off the roof 'transportation.'"
- Rocky LaPorte

"Is that sound a horse galloping or Tom chewing?"
- Chick McGee on the Tom's table manners

"Hugh Hefner is never giving up power. He's the Fidel Castro of boobies."
- Jeffrey Ross

"After what happened to my 401k, my new retirement plan is the Rapture."
- Scott Dunn

"You know the economy is bad when they start laying off planets."
- Bob Kevoian on why they might have downgraded Pluto from its status as a planet

"'Don't Stop till they say no twice' isn't a sales technique, it's a fraternity slogan."
- Patti Vasquez on pushy sales people

"When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell."
- Emo Philips on Evolution vs. Intelligent Design

"Diarrhea doesn't work on a nudie beach."
- Tom Griswold

"You're going to hell on a scholarship."
- Spanky Brown to Tom Griswold

"A little girl getting bit by a pony is like being raped by Santa."
- Louis C.K. on crushing people's dreams

"If you can figure out how to kill a guy with a cassette tape, he probably deserves to die."
- Tom Griswold on weapons in prison.

"The desert doesn't make me horny."
- Kristi Lee