THE BOB & TOM SHOW - Program Notes

w w w . b o b a n d t o m . c o m

May 25 - 29, 2009

We Love You
Danny Bevins
After receiving an honorable discharge from the army, dropping out of college, and deciding that a "real job" wasn't his style, Danny Bevins chose standup comedy as a career. Now most weekends you can find him in comedy clubs using his cynical world views and childhood tales to laugh audiences into submission. But that's not all, for those of you who enjoy documentaries, Danny recently released a film he co-directed with friend of the show John Bizarre which follows their journey performing in Iraq for the Troops. Comics On Duty: We Love You, Mrs. Bevins is available on DVD.

FACTOID - At one time, Danny worked as an airline flight attendant

Cliche Free
When he's not living it up as a young, successful, daring male, chasing women around NYC, Denis Donohue is an accomplished stand-up comedian that enjoys chasing women around NYC. During his 11 years in the business, Donohue has won The Connecticut Comedy Festival, has worked in over 40 states and four countries and recently released his first CD, Unholy War. Though Donohue feels it's best to see comedy live, he has made the occasional stop on television, including ABC and Comedy Express.

Rust Belt Comedian
When Mike Stankiewicz realized that playing for the Duck Inn softball team wasn't going to get him into the "Big League," he decided to try his hand at another profession, stand-up comedy. Since then he's made a name for himself from the east coast to the west coast and everywhere in between. He's also been featured on Comedy Central and A&E, has appeared in a few made for TV movies, and won the prestigious "Best of Philly" comedy competition.

The Flute Man Cometh
Better known to our audience as "Flute-Man Greg," Greg Warren first charmed us with stories about children who have fathers that hunt for bigfoot and the odd behaviors of his forty or so uncles. But it was his piece on playing the clarinet in high school that really cemented his place in BOB&TOM Show history, especially when he introduced us to the phrase "hit 'em with your flute, Greg." Among his other accomplishments, Warren is also a former state champion in wrestling, has a cauliflower ear, is a regular on the BOB&TOM All-Stars Comedy Tour, and recently joined us for our trip to the Bahamas.

What Are You
Trying to Say?
If you’re tired of being corrected when you speak, or having to limit your vocabulary because you have no idea how to pronounce a word, then Steve Kleinedler and the Editors of the American Heritage Dictionaries are here to help. Thanks to the multiple editions of their 100 Words series, you can speak freely and accurately in front of any audience with confidence, or at least become the one pointing out the mistakes instead of making them.

Escape From Nashville
After getting his start in Nashville, TN, comedian Dale Jones had used his machinegun like style and animated facial contortions to become a headlining national comedian. Dale has been featured on FOX, The Comedy Network and was a semi-finalist on Last Comic Standing. And if you watch extremely closely, you can also find him in the movie Out of Time with Denzel Washington. Fans of Jones can bring a little bit of Dale home with them with his new comedy DVD, Escape from Nashville.

Kevin McPeek
is Not Naked
Clean, clever and funny, Kevin McPeek has a show that you can bring the entire family too, though you may want to make sure he’s wearing clothes first. His humorous stories and comical facial expressions have been featured on both Comedy Central and HBO. But if you missed him either of those places, you can make up for it by seeing him in a comedy club near you.

Sleepwalking Toward the Future
In between making entries in his Secret Public Journal and starring in his one-man off-Broadway show "Come Sleepwalk With Me", you'd think Mike Birbiglia would be too busy to take part in a 20-city comedy tour. But then you'd be wrong because starting in September, that's exactly what he's doing. Mike's "I'm in the Future Also" tour kicks off later this year, but tickets for number of shows are available for pre-sale now. Check out his website for details.

Joyce to the World
Jesse Joyce began his standup career in the comedy clubs, but not in the way you'd think. His first gig was actually as a janitor, working at the Pittsburgh Funny Bone cleaning up bathrooms and scrubbing urinals. All the while Joyce was perfecting his material and eventually traded in his mop for a microphone, becoming the club’s emcee. Since then he's been featured on The Tonight Show, Live at Gotham Entertainment Tonight, the short-lived Jokevision Network and was the host of AMC's Date Night. Oh, and he’s also won two Addy awards for commercial writing.

The Vaguest to Truest Story Ever Told
From his command post up north, live from his living room, comedian Tim Bedore joins us each Wednesday to dispense a wide variety of helpful advice, personal thoughts, absurd theories and news updates all presented in the form of a well thought out editorial known as Vague But True. Some of his more infamous writings include his take on the "Animal Conspiracy" against mankind and the fun one can have by defacing a SkyMall Magazine while flying.

Reviewing The Summer's Biggest Flicks
With the summer blockbuster movie season in full swing, comedian Pat Dixon is once again planning on not seeing a single one of them. That won't keep him from reviewing them though. Not only does this save him a ton of cash, it also keeps him completely unbiased when discussing each feature. Take that Ebert, Roeper and Shalit. In other news, Pat is involved in a revolutionary way to watch stand-up comedy, Stand-up 360 and has a brand new comedy CD titled, Goodbye Forever Fatty.

Toasting the Competition
Hey Bob and Tom! My name is Erin and I'm in Brodhead High School's show choir, "Guys & Dolls". This year, one of the selections we performed was your very own "Toast" by Heywood Banks. My dad (the director) heard it on the radio and loved it, so he decided we should do it for show choir. Our show choir has become famous for our "Toast" and we brought it all the way to Branson, MO for the Fame Show Choir Competition in early April of 2009. I just thought I would let you know that we performed it and that it was loved by the audience everywhere we went!! Thank you!

The Things
We Do For Love
Though he was named one of the "Top 10 Comedians" to watch by Entertainment Weekly, you really don't have much of a choice as Pete Correale is popping up all over the place. Along with his upcoming guest spot on Late Night with David Letterman, Correale is also a Tonight Show veteran, has appeared on Last Call with Carson Daly and Premium Blend and recently starred in his won Comedy Central Special "The Things We Do For Love." Correale began his career mopping up comedy clubs to earn stage time in NYC, and has since gone on to become a national headliner and writer for shows on MTV and Comedy Central.

The Case of
the Funny Detective
In order to be named the Worlds Funniest Cop you not only have to be really funny, you also have to be a cop. Luckily for Dan Whitehurst, he was both. Originally, Whitehurst used his humor to defuse tense situations while on the job, but after he successfully tried out his act on stage during an open mic night, he began moonlighting as a stand-up comedian. For awhile he was able to be both a detective and a comedian; he even won Nashville' s Detective of the Year Award. But after awhile, his comedic side won out and he decided to head into stand-up full time.

Ladies & Gentlemen - Comedian Bob Zany
The Zany Report is back and only the basketball frenzy of the NBA Playoffs could possibly compare to the excitement it brings. Bob Zany, legendary standup comedian, Telethon Host, and all around great guy, is ready to run the comedy gauntlet once again in hopes of getting the entire cast to laugh, at least once! And even if he can't accomplish this lofty feat, there's always Fix the Joke, Baby to save the segment from being a complete disaster. Because as we all know, everything's funnier when there are prizes involved.

May 18 - 22
Program Notes

"I listen to your show all the time" - Tom Griswold to Michael Feldman
"My show's not on all the time."
- Michael Feldman right back to Tom

"Sodomy sounds bad in any language."
- Bob Kevoian

"The metric system makes you're penis sound bigger."
- Ryan Belleville

"Have you ever worn a different deodorant and for the rest of the day you feel like there is a stranger standing next to you."
- Jim Gaffigan

"If it's so great outside, why are all the bugs trying to get inside my house?"
- Jim Gaffigan on camping

"I want to work at an unemployment office because even if they fire you, they still have to pay you."
- Phil Mazo

"If I could punch just one animal in the face, it would be an ostrich."
- "Larry King"

"Sodomy takes the fun out of birdwatching."
- Tom Griswold on gay parks

"I have horrible gay-dar. I could see two guys making out at a bar and think they are just excited about the playoffs."
- Dwight Slade

"Books are for people who don't have ideas of their own."
- Greg Hahn

"I hate it here so what's the rush?"
- Greg Hahn to his former boss about motivation at work.

"Everyone has a butt, Tom."
- Kristi Lee to Tom about teaching kids about proctology

"My son is a horrible driver. He's hit everything but the lottery."
- Mike Armstrong

"I hate porn with plots."
-Bob Kevoian

"In Spanish, 'passionate' means 'loud and irrational.'"
- Pat Dixon on his passionate girlfriend

"My parents got divorced after 40 years. That's the longest game of chicken ever."
- David Dyer

"Last time I went to a gym they gave me a t-shirt with their name on it and asked me not to wear it."
- Wild Bill Bauer on his physical fitness

"Musician people aren't dumb."
- Duff McKagan on the stereotype of rockers

"With the sweater vest and the beard, Gunner looks like a lumberjack going to church."
- Tom Griswold

"Since I got my grills done I'm smiling even when I'm angry. I smile like the Cleveland Indian."
- Guy Torry on having his teeth done

"My pee is okay."
- Tom on accidently dropping his cell phone in the toilet

"Life and I don't always get along."
- Tom Griswold on asking a lot of questions and being skeptical

"You can't play grab-ass unless you're naked."
-Chick McGee

"Here's a quote I want on the page; 'Tom is a douche bag'"
- Bob Kevoian

"Have you ever notice that when you talk about Segways it's hard to transition into another topic?"
- Tom Griswold making a joke about the homonyms Segway and segues

"I got a Snuggie the other day; the blanket with sleeves. Finally, a uniform for depression."
- Pat Dixon

"I've never thought about having kids before, but after having so many computer problems lately..."
- Nick Griffin on kids' knowledge of technology

"I'm guessing Native Americans wish they had had a tougher immigration policy."
- John Evans

"I quit smoking and drinking and I eat better. Now I'm so healthy it makes me sick."
- Pat Dixon

"Calling Kathy Lee 'entertainment' is like calling falling off the roof 'transportation.'"
- Rocky LaPorte

"Is that sound a horse galloping or Tom chewing?"
- Chick McGee on the Tom's table manners

"Hugh Hefner is never giving up power. He's the Fidel Castro of boobies."
- Jeffrey Ross

"After what happened to my 401k, my new retirement plan is the Rapture."
- Scott Dunn

"You know the economy is bad when they start laying off planets."
- Bob Kevoian on why they might have downgraded Pluto from its status as a planet

"'Don't Stop till they say no twice' isn't a sales technique, it's a fraternity slogan."
- Patti Vasquez on pushy sales people

"When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell."
- Emo Philips on Evolution vs. Intelligent Design

"Diarrhea doesn't work on a nudie beach."
- Tom Griswold

"You're going to hell on a scholarship."
- Spanky Brown to Tom Griswold

"A little girl getting bit by a pony is like being raped by Santa."
- Louis C.K. on crushing people's dreams

"If you can figure out how to kill a guy with a cassette tape, he probably deserves to die."
- Tom Griswold on weapons in prison.

"The desert doesn't make me horny."
- Kristi Lee

"When girls go wild they flash their boobs. When women go wild, they kill men."
- Louis C.K. on loving older women.

"Godfather III is the Curly Joe of that film series."
- Tom Griswold

"There are gangs of transvestites? I always thought that was more of a loner thing."
- Tom Griswold

"It's also known as the Northwest Baby Passage"
- Bob Kevoian with another name for mommy parts

"Between me, Oprah and her period, you don't have a chance."
- Geoff Brown as the Devil calling about your girl-friend

"I'm new to the 'front-ass' concept."
- Tom Griswold

"Chick, your sexuality has always been up for grabs."
- Tom Griswold

"There was a time when Kristi's genitalia was in the witness protection program."
- Tom Griswold on Kristi's past

"Winning 'Best Supporting Actor in a Music Video' is like one step above eating the most mashed potatoes."
- Rodney Carrington on his CMT Award

"My dog reminds me of my ex-husband. He's not pulling his weight financially and he's afraid of the vacuum."
- Karen Rontowski

"Jesus saves... and then he passes those savings on to me."
- Ryan Stout on looking for the good deals in life.

"I've never noticed Kristi to have any excessive flatulence."
- Tom Griswold on Kristi's diet.

"Sloppy Joes are just burgers that got their asses kicked."
- Donnie Baker on beating your food like Tom beats his cereal

"You don't want to be in the back row of a nude yoga class."
-Kristi Lee

"This guy got ripped to shreds humorously."
- Tom Griswold on the guy who fell into a bear pit while taking a picture

"My gym in LA is actually more like a gay bar with free weights."
- Dov Davidoff

"Nicole Kidman at 9-months pregnant is my goal weight two years from now."
- Caroline Rhea

"I'm not fat, I'm hard to kidnap."
- Jen Kober

"I've always wanted to date a baby."
- Tom Griswold on behalf of the woman dating Vern Troyer (Mini-Me)

"Do you listen to anyone but yourself?"
- Kristi Lee to Tommy G. during a newscast.